As an introduction to the resources that follow in the accompanying drop-down tabs, here’s a sample of the sundry humorous and informative material that awaits you!

Disclaimer: The below is for HUMOR ONLY! Please do not continue reading if your sense of humor has been “in hiding” as of late.

Title: Cologne de Vegan

Subject: A Vegan Woman’s Advice on Dating

Letter to the Editor:

Want to grab–and keep–that great girl? Always easier to do it without that pesky piece of medium-rare cow flesh stuck between your teeth and those consistently smelly and sweaty armpits (you can leave that to those Yankee players). And definitely easier to do it 50 pounds lighter and with your newly toned six-pack. In addition to your recently re-discovered personal hygiene and improved, chiseled physical appearance without the need for expensive plastic surgery, liposuction, or gastric bypass surgery, you can also let your new crush know that you adore her furry golden retriever, so much so that even if you were in China you wouldn’t eat Benji . . . or his kin. In fact, even while living in Boston, you avoid eating all Benji look-a-likes and namesakes–Babe, the Black Stallion, Mrs. Moo Moo and any other sentient being that makes one of those catchy noises you learned to sound out when you were two years old (or maybe three if you were a late talker).

Take her to Grezzo or Grasshopper for a date. Is it coincidental that all those vegetarian friendly restaurants begin with the letter “G”? Perhaps for GOOD GREEN reason–as in spinach, celery, bok choy, asparagus, artichoke, and kale greens! And folks say that being vegan can be limiting? The only limitation is in how much heart-healthy, cholesterol free, and aphrodisiac inducing fruit and veggies can fit on our plate at one time. Glorious Greens Unite!

Finish the date off with a delectably scrumptious Fiore’s vegan chocolate cake frosting kiss and she will be so turned on by your healthy, compassionate, evolved, witty, intelligent, good smelling and informed vegan self that the only question for you (and your marathon bachelorhood) will be: Heck, why didn’t I go vegan sooner?! Because you FINALLY scored the girl!